What is causing my anxiety?

Mid-life is an uncomfortable transition for many men as it demands a reckoning of values, attitudes, and behaviors: are you going to continue down your current path for another 30 years, or are you going to make some fundamental changes to alter your course?

Energy in Motion (What am I feeling in my body?)

  • Emotions are messengers of met and unmet needs

  • Positive emotions signal our needs are being met

  • Negative emotions signal our needs are not being met

  • Emotions are often unconscious, yet are present and influence our thoughts and behaviors (often in unhelpful/unproductive ways)

  • The better we can identify our emotions, the better we can understand our needs

  • Sensations in the body (energy in motion) is an important tool for identifying what emotion is being felt

  • Identifying our emotions via sensations then allows us to label them, which has its own benefits

  • Once we understand what emotion is present, we can explore the needs behind it

  • Emotions have standard needs and required actions, which makes it quite simple—at this point in the process—to understand what needs to happen to have the need met (include image from Seaglass Psychology).

  • However, there is also an opportunity to question the need that is causing the emotion

  • Many times we have irrational needs (i.e., Everyone at the party must like me. My performance review must be positive. I must win the race) which place demands on the world or other people that can’t be met, and so we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place.

  • In these cases, it is valuable to consider where this need is coming from, and reposition our demand in terms of ‘I prefer’ language

  • In many cases, this step of identifying how to meet needs or redefine needs as preferences leads to feeling less negative emotions, bringing the process full circle.

  • Journaling is tremendously helpful to work through this process (maybe even create a simple flowchart) because it needs to be structured, organized, logical, rational, and objective. You can’t do that well in your mind.

The definition of emotions as Energy in MOTION.

We all know and love our king positive emotion (happiness/joy), but we tend to be more hesitant around our negative emotions (anger, fear, disgust, sadness

It begs the question: How do I experience emotions in my body? How does that energy present itself?

What do I feel in my body when I’m experiencing the core human emotions of sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust?

We don’t all experience emotions the same way. Anger may present differently in me (shallow breath, light headed, clenched jaw…) than it does for you (fists clenched, narrowed brow, clenched teeth showing…)

When our emotions are swirling, it can be difficult to know what we’re feeling. Looking at physical sensations in your body can provide valuable insight as to what’s really going on inside (doubly so for us men, many of whom are not really in touch with our emotions).

Note: If you’re curious about the difference between emotions and feelings, there are many articles online (here and here) that explain how they differ.

Where does journaling fit into all of this? Well, it takes time and effort to understand how emotions present themselves, but once we do we will have greater insight into the need that is unmet, which provides a path forward for better understanding our need or other ways of getting that need met.

And once we can identify our emotions, we can also learn that each emotion is asking for something specific: